Tainted Blue

Thanks to Ike, the 600-mile monster storm hovering over the Gulf of Mexico, the whole city halted operations for the weekend. The Client closed its offices Thursday afternoon and would not open again till Monday.

Don, Trinh, Julian, and I went downtown on Thursday night to throw down before the media-dubbed "$100 billion storm" turned the lights out this weekend. We went to a bar on Main St. with a live 80's cover band.

Late in the night, a group of Asian guys started a quarrel with us. Allegedly, I was talking to some girl earlier in the night, and one of the guys in the group, her boyfriend, didn't appreciate it.

A bald-headed guy in a white T-shirt -- who, from what I understand, was not the girl's boyfriend -- punched Julian -- who is not the guy that talked to the girl. I wrestled the guy off of Julian, and security came in immediately and told us to leave.

I was led out first by a short Hispanic police officer, and I complied, walking through the crowd and out the door on my own without resisting. I didn't want to fight, and the night was just about done anyway.

When I got out of the door, it was just me and the police officer; the other guys had, for whatever reason, been held up a little longer inside. The officer told me to go home.

"I am," I said, "My driver's still inside. He'll be out in a sec, and he'll take me home."

The officer told me not to stand in front of the club, and that I need to step around the corner.

I did.

As soon as I turned the corner, the son of a bitch gave me a cheap kidney shot. He proceeded to grab me by the face and plant my head into the sidewalk.

As I sat up, he walked away. So in a drunken stupor, I started yelling obscenities at him. I called him an overcompensating prick. A short, cockless faggot with a sick Napoleon complex. I generously offered my services to his wife since he obviously wasn't capable of pleasing her. And while I was at it, I suggested that I'd go ahead and fuck his mother, his sister, and even his daughter, too, if he had one.

I don't know why I said the things I said. I was a drunk guy bleeding on the sidewalk yelling at a police officer. The funny part was that, as I was yelling these things to him, I remember that I wasn't mad that I had been hit or angry that I was bleeding; I was fucking pissed because he scuffed my new kicks.

I wholly expected the officer to attack me again and just wail on me, open me up. And in retrospect, I kind of wish he had, because my obscene yelling had attracted a crowd, and some open wounds might've made good grounds to press charges. But he just stood me up and cuffed me, saying to me, "I told you go home. You had to run your mouth, didn't you?"

Though I was cuffed, I never believed that the officer was going to arrest me. Because he never tried to move me anywhere; he just stood there, repeating, "You still wanna run your mouth?" Plus, there was a hurricane just hours away on the horizon, and they'd have to process me super fast and go through the trouble of transporting me to a safer area.

But I didn't call him out on it; I was drunk and stupid, but not quite stupid enough.

Not long after, the guys came around the corner and saw me, accompanied by another police officer, a stout Caucasian guy, who was escorting them out. They all ran over to assess the situation.

As soon as the second officer arrived, I blurted, "I just got two things to say! First, this is my statement: when I was asked to leave, I complied peacefully and willingly. I have hit no one tonight, and no one hit me. Except him." I angled my chin to point at the officer who was holding my cuffed arms behind me. "I have done no wrong, I have violated nobody's rights, and nobody violated mine. Except him.

"Second, that is all the talking I'm going to do to either of you. So if you're arresting me, I'm lawyering up. And I want your badge number." I turned back to catch a glimpse of the officer behind me, then read his nametag aloud.

The two officers discussed something quietly. Then, the Hispanic officer, asked the guys, which one of them was driving me home. Don acknowledged. The officer uncuffed me and commanded, "Take him home."

After crossing the street, I turned back around and loudly reiterated my offer to fuck his wife and mother for him, before being dragged by the guys back to the car.